Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us your questions!

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below are our responses to the next two selections – enjoy!
I work in a job at VCH where I give service to others – I don’t want to say where. In my job I receive calls from people who have more power than me. They call with various needs for information or to complain if something is not correct. Often they treat me poorly on the phone. They sometimes yell, they are often rude, abrupt and dismissive. They can also, at times, put me down with digs or outright put downs. It hurts my feelings, makes me feel awful, and some days it makes me want to leave my job. I feel alone. What should I do?
– Feeling Alone on the Phone

Dear Feeling Alone on the Phone,
These stories make my blood boil; I hate to hear stories like yours of employees being so poorly treated by other employees. I am so very glad that you reached out to Dear EFAP, you are not alone. Being treated in a disrespectful way can erode our self-esteem and hurt our feelings. Yours is a very normal reaction to a completely not okay circumstance. Please know that we are here to support you on this and can offer some help. VCH does not tolerate disrespectful behaviour – period full stop. Right this very minute you can call the confidential No Bully line for support at 1-844-No-Bully. On this line, an experienced counsellor will assist you with options. You can also call EFAP at 1-800-505-4929 for counselling support.

As for other options, you could try reaching out to your supervisor to help you with this. They will likely have encountered similar situations in the past and they will be most prepared to support you and assist in helping you work out some scripted lines that you can use with these disrespectful callers. And, after using these lines, if you still get flak from any callers your supervisor may allow you to pass those calls to them to deal with. You do not have to manage this alone; VCH has your back on this. They do not want to lose you – they want those callers to lose the bad behaviour and know that if they do not, there is a consequence.

I’m a VGH employee and I am a tad older – maybe more than a tad but I don’t like to admit that – let’s just say that gravity has had its way with me and the latitude where my body used to sit has moved south a few degrees (I think there is a song about that). Couch potato would not be a nice thing to call myself…but if the shoe fits. I remember the days when one needed to get up to change the TV channel, and back then that was my exercise. Now technology has robbed me of those moments of movement and so I sit and click from the couch. I’m also perpetually in a bad mood. Maybe it is related to my blood sugar, but I just think it is who I am right now. This is my so called life, I think there is a movie about that, and of course I have seen it because I do a lot of that. So, you have the picture – I’m a sedentary kind of gal. I find myself in the plus sections of department stores; most of my wardrobe involves polyester and elasticized waist bands, and on line dating sites would have me describe myself as “big and beautiful.” Let’s be frank here – I feel big but not beautiful. My doctor has recently told me I am on the verge of diabetes and that my cholesterol is climbing, she said I need to revamp my diet and get moving. It sounds easy but it has me completely freaked out. I don’t know where to begin. It makes me want to take my bag of chips and head to the couch. Help!
– Frumpy and Grumpy

Dear Frumpy and Grumpy,
Resist the chips. Sidestep the couch. Put on your runners, girlfriend, and join a merry band of VCHers in Wednesday Walk (this happens every Wednesday rain or shine). This gang go for 40 minute walks from 12:10 to 12:50pm and meet outside the Commuter Centre behind the Information desk near the VGH entrance. They follow different routes, some for the more aggressive walkers and some for those who are just beginning to walk – well, you know what I mean. In fact, the Wednesday Walk folks are throwing a nifty seminar on December 10th at 12:00pm in the Diamond Health Care Centre that is actually going to teach people who are interested in walking more, how to do it without injury. So, Wednesday Walk would be a super place to start.

What else? Well, VCH has a lot of options for those moving from frumpy and grumpy to fit and fun. It does not matter your age, your fitness ability, or your relationship to gravity. EFAP has a super new confidential health coaching program where you can work with a coach to review your diet and plan out some appropriate exercise and lifestyle changes. Moving will also alter your mood and will help you travel down the path to rediscover what a good mood feels like. I would also suggest that you checking in with your doctor on all of this to ensure all is working well with your medical challenges. Change in whatever form can feel daunting, and so being a bit overwhelmed by making this shift is both understandable and overcome-able! No need for spandex, come as you are. Swap worry for walking and couch for coach and let Wednesday Walk and an EFAP health coach be the place to begin. Onward!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.