Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We want your questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!
I am single, divorced and maybe a tad bitter. My kids are grown and coupled, and I am alone. I hate Valentine’s Day, and on Friday roses and red heart-shaped boxes will start arriving at the office and it will be a sea of giggles and gushing. How does one get through this day without hiding in a corner and inhaling a self-purchased box of candy? There must be a better way!
– Vexed by Valentine’s

Dear Vexed by Valentine’s,
I hear you; I would wager to guess that anyone who does not have a special sweetie in their life knows when Valentine’s Day hits, and, like you, they don’t like it. You are not alone.
The holiday has indeed grown – originating from St. Valentine, a 5th century Christian martyr and then popularized into a romantic fete by Chaucer in the middle ages. Why has a seemingly innocuous holiday meant to inspire kind feelings towards those in love turned into an $18 billion dollar singleness-awareness-day? For a holiday that is supposed to use love to join people, the flip side seems to be that love can divide people.

Remember, my friend, a person’s value is not ranked on whether they are in a coupled relationship. There are plenty of different relationships that can be honoured on this day, such as that between a parent and a child. Some of my most cherished Valentine’s cards were given to me in scrawled red crayon by my child.

How to survive? Well, ask yourself how ready you are for a relationship, anyway. As you said, you are a “tad bitter,” so before you head into another one you may want to look at the relationship you have with yourself. Valentine’s Day could be a marker for the day that you flipped things around, did something nice for yourself, and looked into getting some help to shed that bitterness (consider www.efap.ca). And, if you feel that the bitterness is not a big deal, ask yourself what steps you are taking toward your own happiness. If it is travel – what are you doing to make that happen? If it is fitness – what are you doing to make that happen? And, if you do really want to dip your toe in to the dating world, go for it! You might consider letting your friends know that you are open to meeting people, or you could check out online dating on a well reputed website. There are a lot of options, and Valentine’s Day could be the start of a new path.

I do get your point, though, and I see that watching the floral fan fair and bon-bon bru-haha might be a bit hard, so how about taking some vacation and send yourself to a well-earned day at the spa? Something to you, from you, and for you! So, Happy “V” day – and you know, “V” rhymes with “Me” – just saying!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.