Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

 
I am thought to be a nice guy, at least that is what my friends tell me. I have this live-in girlfriend; we’ve been together about a year – just enough time to see someone’s true colours, I figure. I moved into her place and it was love and fun and a “let’s try out every room” kind of relationship for a few months. I have been paying half the rent, enjoy a twelfth of the closet space, and about a sixteenth of the decision making power in our couple relationship, but that’s okay. I like to eat in and she prefers to dine out on my dime, again I don’t mind even though I do make less than her. When she’s in a good mood she’s super fun, but after about 3 months this other side of her has begun to show up and it’s showing up more and more. I feel like it has kidnapped the girl I fell in love with. This zombie apocalypse gal is nit-picky, insulting, and so needy it is beyond anything I have seen. She’s also super jealous, for no reason. I am as loyal as a Labrador, and she rages over anything and everything and constantly puts me down. She is sarcastic and caustic – she’s exhausting. Our sex life has gone from super to sour, and it has got to the point that I now dread coming home at night only to await a lecture on the next thing I have done wrong, when honestly, I really have not done anything (majorly) wrong. She insists that I need to be able to figure what she thinks and wants, and, as clearly I never do, (because, how can I?) I’m always in the dog house. She needs constant attention; otherwise she throws “hissie” fits. It’s so emotionally draining that I have had to take a sick day and not tell her so I can go to the gym and the park for the day just to escape her wrath.

I’m in healthcare and although I don’t make too much money I do okay. She’s in business and actually makes more than me and owns the place we live in (I pay rent to her). She now wants to make things a bit more formal and move forward in our lives. She has dropped marriage and “ring” hints, but I am very reticent. I’m thinking that if I don’t want to come home to her now, then I’ll be running for the hills in 5 years. So, to quote that famous song by the Clash – “If I go there will be trouble and if I stay it will be double.” She will freak out at me and literally throw a fit. Interestingly the very behaviour that I know she will show if I go is exactly what’s keeping me there because it’s scary. So, I feel it’s time to make a decision, and to quote the Clash again – “So you gotta let me know – Should I stay or should I go?”
– Bone Weary Beau

Dear Bone Weary Beau,
“Go”…da da da da da..dadadada!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.