Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!
I went on a date with this guy I met on a dating site and I’ve been out with him a few times for sporty dates, and recently we had our first real grownup date – we planned to go to this trendy bar for cocktails and then out for dinner. I got my Manolo’s out of their dust bag, put on something special, curled my hair, dug into my Sephora make-up case and spritzed on a sample of the expensive perfume I picked up at the Nordstrom’s opening – I was so psyched for an elegant evening out! So, we get to the lounge and a waiter, who admittedly was a rather precious entitled sort, approached us with drink menus. I looked quickly and knew what I wanted, while my date reluctantly looked at the menu, began flipping through the pages reading every listed cocktail’s ingredient, and complained about the prices and the uncomfortable chairs. He looked out of his depth but I didn’t mention it as I didn’t want to embarrass him. When it came time to order, I ordered the prefect Lemon Drop. Then my 6’3, 200-lb date ordered some fruity summer drink that an 18 year-old underage girl would order! You know, the kind with maraschino cherries and orange slices – I was mortified. We got through it, but this is sticking with me – I can’t seem to shake it. I didn’t like it, but I also don’t like that I was embarrassed by it. I don’t drink much but I love to go out and experience the whole ambiance of a night out. At the end of the date it was clear that he wanted to see me again, but not in a cocktail lounge like this again. I like him, but I think this is evidence of more things that we have out of common than in common. What should I do?
– Fretted by the Fruity Drink

Dear Fretted by the Fruity Drink,
I get it, when your man orders maraschinos, in the fall, in Vancouver, that’s a problem. I agree that this is probably not a lifestyle that he feels comfortable in or enjoys, but frankly you don’t know that for sure. In situations like this one I always encourage a conversation – a bit of a debrief on the date. Perhaps ask him how he liked it, and then be prepared to listen. You’re assuming a lot of the above and before you make a judgement it is always a good idea to check it out. If he was having a tough day and wanted to relive some old memory of a Caribbean vacation, and normally loves to go out, that might fly. But, if he doesn’t like this kind of date and the whole thing was miserable for him then I would suggest a rethink of this guy as your man. It was sweet for him to agree to go along as he likely did that for you, but if something that you love to do is something that he hates doing, then it doesn’t bode well for future evenings out. Beginning with a frank conversation to dispel any assumption may be the way to start, cheers!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.