Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

It’s January and January is all about New Year’s resolutions. Most people want to lose weight or get out of debt, but my dilemma is that I have to give up on a guy who is frankly “just not that in to me.” He doesn’t call me; I call him. I gave him a really thoughtful Christmas gift; he gave me a gift that had no thought put into it at all. We didn’t visit family together over the holidays; he headed to his mother’s and I went to my parents’ home. He didn’t call me on Christmas morning; I waited all day and then called him at night. We stay at his house all the time, and although we have been doing this for over a year I don’t even have a toothbrush there. I just don’t feel loved; I accept his not very nice behaviour and allow myself to be treated like…well, you know…and I have to stop. I have to let go, please help me.

-Wanting a Relationship Resolution

Dear Wanting a Relationship Resolution,

Let me congratulate you for getting to the point where you know that it’s time to let go. I agree with you, you aren’t being treated well and it’s time to move on. It sounds cliché but, they say “if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” I think that if you let this one go, he likely won’t come back, but I don’t think that that would be a bad thing at all!

You sound like a nice girl, so it’s time to move on and find a nice guy. Sometimes hanging onto relationships where you aren’t being treated very well is about feeling like you don’t deserve something better or thinking that you couldn’t find another one, and so you put up with what you have. This is something that you might want to talk about with a confidential counsellor, if that’s the case then give us a call, we’re here to help you cut that cord and move on with strength.

Saying sayonara to this Señor may at first make you feel a bit weird because he has become a bit of a habit (a bad habit), but afterwards you’ll actually end up feeling less lonely than you do now in this so-called “relationship.” A relationship is about 2 people and this one sounds awfully lopsided, you deserve more so let’s make this year the year that you found a guy who cares about you as much as you do him. Give us a call and we would be honoured to support you through this wise resolution. You can do it!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.