Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.
Below are our responses to the next two selections – enjoy!
I have just come back from holidays and I am completely swamped. In fact, I feel like my holidays were hijacked. My inbox is overflowing and I almost feel like I never even went on holidays – I was on my Blackberry way too much while away, but I feel it was kind of expected. I feel overwhelmed and frozen. Any ideas of how to get back on track?
– Hijacked from my Holiday

Dear Hijacked from my Holiday,
Holidays are supposed to be restorative – a time when you pick blackberries instead of responding to e-mails on your Blackberry. One thing that we often forget in our pre-holiday scramble to get ready to go is that we also have to plan for our post-holiday re-entry. This can involve coming back a day before every one really knows you are back. If supported by your supervisor, this kind of re-entry plan can provide essential time to read and answer accumulated e-mail, respond to voicemail and read any documents that have come through while you were away. It is interesting that we spend so much time planning where we want to go on vacation and how we are going to get there, but we often don’t put any time into planning our re-entry back into the workplace after time away. Somehow we think we can just hit the ground running and, simply put, we cannot. So, for future jaunts away consider developing a post-holiday re-entry plan – it may be just the ticket.

Now, as you are inundated, start by taking a few deep breaths. Concentrate on breathing in, filling your belly with air. This is diaphragmatic breathing and it relaxes the muscle around your bronchiole tubes and can help you begin to relax. Next, send out a message to those on your contact list to let them know you are back and getting through e-mail and will be in touch soon. Consider also rearranging some non-urgent meetings and remind yourself that within a week things should settle down.

As for e-mailing while on holidays, it is likely better to romp in the ocean than to sit anxiously and resentfully on the beach waiting for incoming messages. The rules on this one, however, are different for every job, so it can be very helpful to have this discussion with your boss, team, and or direct reports before you leave. Ask what you /he/she/they expect while you are away and agree on a policy surrounding e-mail response. If these expectations are clear, transparent, up front, and agreed upon, you will know what you need to respond to and what can wait. Remember, vacation time is given for a reason, so next time let those things that can wait wait, and go pick some blackberries or take a guilt-free jump in the ocean! If you enjoy the time you are away from work you will be more rested, less resentful, and thus happier, healthier, and more productive when you return. Life is short, enjoy it!
My weight goes up and down like a toilet seat. I am size “this” one week, size “that” the next, and I let it get out of control this summer. Right now I am up about 20 pounds and I can’t fit into any of my fall clothes and I can’t afford to buy new ones – I just don’t know where to start, help!
– Plagued by the Pounds

Dear Plagued by the Pounds,
You are not alone in your experience of summer overindulgence – not unlike weeds, at first you don’t notice them and then all of a sudden they have taken over your garden, or in this case, your waistline. A few too many burgers, ice cream cones, frilly drinks with various “ini” suffixes paired with extra dollops of potato salad and corn dripping in butter and BAM! The bikini is bypassed for the bathing costume and the fall wardrobe that was longing to come out with that first autumn breeze sits lonely in the closet usurped by stretchy pants. But lament not, the best way to incarcerate poundage creep is to meet it head on.

Fancy expensive diet programs are probably not the answer. Get honest with yourself. Doctor approved exercise is always a wise choice to use as part of your strategy. Additionally, start making conscious decisions about what goes into your mouth – often we just put food into our mouths without actually thinking about what we are eating. Do I really want to eat this? Is this a wise choice? These unconscious decisions can add extra weight. We can also be using food to soothe anxiety, and this can be turned around by using breathing exercises. Many have told me that a little voice will tell them “Oh come on, you deserve to eat it,” whatever fat-filled “it” it is. I suggest countering that voice with a voice that answers “Oh come on, you deserve to be healthy.” Entitlement can work for you or against you, and I vote to use it for you.

If you need a little help, consider contacting EFAP and ask to be connected with a health coach – a fitness and health specialist can help you take off those extra pounds! And if you are treating mild anxiety with calories, EFAP can help out there too. It’s time to slow down the consumption, breathe before you eat, and spend some time and effort thinking about what should get the nod to go into that bod of yours. Some things will not make the cut and that is a good thing! Being conscious of what goes into your body will pay off in reducing what sticks out. So, less auto and more cardio, less fat and more fitness, less indulgence and more good judgment. With a little time, thoughtfulness, and movement, those fall clothes will again fit and flatter that reclaimed fall figure.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.