Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us your questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below are our responses to the next two selections – enjoy!

It is so dreary outside – I hate all of this rain! My brain is positively waterlogged and my shoes squish when I arrive to work. I have always had a hard time with Mondays, but dark, rainy Mondays put me over the top and make me feel soggy and blue. Any ideas of how I can cheer up?
– Soggy and Blue

Dear Soggy and Blue,
“Rainy days and Mondays always get me down” – who knew that an expression from a 1971 hit by Karen Carpenter would still be regularly used to describe the mood that you have highlighted. Indeed, waking to darkness and showers, and I don’t mean the one in the bathroom, can be tough. Where is the sun? I suppose if we had sun like LA we would also have its over population and smog, but somehow that just does not seem relevant when we have to brave the wet and head to work.

How does one cheer up from this? Well, frankly, it is what it is. Accepting the rain and reframing it can help: it keeps our beautiful city green and less populated, it keeps our trees tall, it gives us a reason to buy a cool pair of rubber boots for our commute, and it helps our complexion stay looking dewy fresh unlike the heavily injected leather hide look of the latest “Real Housewives of Wherever-Sun-Drenched-City.” But, although there are benefits to the rain, indeed, less sunlight is hard to manage. SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) lights can be purchased and are very helpful for some, and enjoying the rain with others can also cast rainy days in a different light. I am not suggesting that everyone take to song like Gene Kelly in Singin’ in the Rain, but jumping in a rain puddle with the proper gear on can channel your inner child and actually put a smile on many a face. Activities like “Wednesday Walk” at VGH (loaner umbrellas are supplied) or other walking clubs can also help one to have fun in the rain.

But, if it is really getting you down and the playful approach is just not cutting it, EFAP offers an interactive virtual counselling program, “Beating the Blues,” that deals with handling the mild to moderate depression that waterlogged Mondays can bring (www.efap.ca). The rain is not going anywhere in Vancouver, so reframing what it is, looking at ways to embrace it rather than avoid it, and finding ways to manage it may help bring you a sunnier mindset.

I’m a single Mom, cash is tight, and my teenage daughter wants highlights in her hair. I think it extravagant, but she says that all of her friends have them and she is desperate to look good and fit in. What should I do?
– Troubled by the Tresses

Dear Troubled by the Tresses,
Well, every teen wants to fit in. It is important that we acknowledge this, feel their pain and support them to find their way, but it does not mean that we have to fund it in chemical enhancements. Funding a nice, regular haircut at a decent salon is logical – it can help a child feel better about herself and the stylists would likely be able to show her how to look after her hair as well. But, paying for expensive highlights is a whole other ball game. Instead, you could pay for a nice ‘do and she could then fund her own highlights with money she earns from babysitting or the like. Explaining to her that highlights are not just done once but have to be maintained at a hefty cost may help her to understand that the Bank of Mom is not OKing this regular withdrawal.

The other way to go is to possibly use it wisely as an incentive. If you do have or can find the funds to take this on, then you may want to sit down with your daughter and have a quick pro quo chat. For example: “If I am going to do this for you, sweetie, what are you going to do for me?” Perhaps having a discussion that outlines that this is not just something that she would be given but rather something that she might earn may help to teach her about working for something that she wants.

And remember, teen girls have lots of challenges! If there is more to your daughter’s issues right now that just some trouble with her tresses you may want to consider some parent coaching for yourself or some supportive counselling for her or for you both. Being on your own to navigate through it can be daunting, know that you are not alone (www.efap.ca or 1-800-505-4929).

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.