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I got engaged in the summer and am planning a big splashy wedding in summer 2015. It is big time traditional – dad’s footing the bill. We will have 5 bridesmaids who will all wear the most beautiful pearl light blue silk simple dresses (the colour that Princess Kate’s mom wore at that wedding – so very tasteful). We will have a complimentary 5 groomsmen who will wear the same soft blue colour bowties, studs and cufflinks under black dinner jackets. My hubby-to-be will be in tails. The flowers are to die for – all fresh and all in season in June. I know it is all a bit excessive but I am so excited and I am beyond happy, but there is one not so small issue….

My mom took me on a jaunt to New York City recently as a birthday gift – I turned the dreaded 30 and I think she wanted to lessen my trauma, so off we went. It was such fun, we drank pink champagne, saw plays and shopped – the perfect mother/daughter getaway. While we were shopping one day we found the perfect dress for her to wear to my wedding. We were so happy when we found it we cried! It is so lovely, elegant and tasteful and she looks beautiful in it.

This was so relieving because she had recently undergone a really knock-down-drag’em-out-messy divorce from my father, brought on by his midlife crisis and associated affair with our much younger doggy daycare girl. She found out about my father’s infidelity when she saw the doggy van shaking like crazy in the driveway one day. Concerned, she opened the door…and let’s just say there was my dad in full shaggin’ waggin’ mode. Mom was heartbroken and dad is now smitten and the new “popsie” (but “pupsie” might be a better name in this instance) seems not nearly as smitten with him as she is with his money.

Anyway, when we came home from NYC I shared with dad and his pupsie that Mom had chosen her dress for the wedding. As I did this, “Trixie” ran to the bedroom, because of course she has moved into my dad’s bachelor pad, and came out parading her new dress for the wedding that she had apparently seen in Hello magazine and that my dad had paid for – AND – OMG it was the exact same dress as my mom’s!!!! When I oh-so-delicately mentioned this to her and asked if she would consider returning it and choosing something else, she said “Kitten (she calls everybody animal pet names), I’m younger and I like the class that this dress gives me – no way am I going to return it.” dad was no help either, whenever he is around this female his brain seems to migrate south.

So, what do I do? My poor mom has finally found a dress she feels pretty in, we bought it together on a special trip and it was supposed to be for my special day. I just cannot tell her to return it, HELP!!
– Distressed by the Dress

Dear Distressed by the Dress,
Your mom sounds like she has such grace and elegance that no matter what she wore to your wedding she would run circles around Trixie the canine caretaker, but I do hear your anguish. Is anyone called Trixie for real? But I digress. I think that the real issue at hand here is who will be seen in this beautiful and unique dress – first. I wish I could take full credit for my thoughts on this matter, but I actually read something similar on the internet (Google “How to be a gracious bitch”), and so my answer….

How about – let the puppy au pair wear the dress to the wedding and suggest to your mom that she wear it to the rehearsal dinner.

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