Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

 
Grad season is coming and it seems like everyone is throwing a party to celebrate. I know graduating from high school is a big deal for teenagers so I’m not going to be overly strict when it comes to my son going out with his friends and celebrating, but what bothers me is the fact that a lot of the house parties he’s going to have alcohol, and the parents seem to be totally ok with that. I always see stories on the news about kids drinking and driving or overdosing at parties…when I start thinking about this my worry goes into overdrive. Aren’t these parents worried about that too? Why don’t these kids just find another way to celebrate instead of drinking themselves silly?
– Disturbed About the Drinks

Dear Disturbed About the Drinks,
Remember when all you had to do was make sure that there was an activity like go-karts, a bouncy castle or a cool magician and a great loot bag to give to the little tykes and your child’s party would have been deemed a success? Those were indeed the days. Now it’s “Grad Parties” and somehow that makes it okay for hosts to provide booze to underage kids.
Grad season is a celebratory time but it’s also a dangerous time. Emergency room visits for teenagers with alcohol poisoning are plentiful and some, sadly, terminal. It’s time to really think about how you can be part of the group that keeps these young people safe and out of both the ER and the morgue. As I said in my column 2 weeks ago, we really need to think before we let them drink!

Why don’t they find a different way to celebrate instead of drinking themselves silly, you ask? Great question, and if I knew the answer to that I would have published it in a bestselling book and I’d be sipping cocktails, safely and with adults, on some great white sand beach. But alas, I do not hold that answer. What I do know though is that we may not be able to stop parent-endorsed underage drinking events, but we can certainly curtail them by being the parents who do not provide the space for underage kids to partake in them. Not only is letting these kids drink in your home and on your watch illegal, you could be liable for any trouble that they get into after leaving your home. Now, what self-respecting adult would put themselves and their family in that kind of potential financial peril? Go figure but some do. They seem to have a kind of misplaced loyalty – they think that they’re being hip and providing a safe haven for drinking, but don’t seem to understand the danger associated with underage drinking and the fact that research shows that kids who partake in underage drinking experience a higher likelihood of developing alcohol abuse later in life.

I would suggest having a conversation with your son about how to say “No” to a drink and how to manage any associated peer pressure. It’s this peer pressure that can drive teens to participate in underage drinking, so if you can get at that then a good chunk of the problem is already solved. Consider suggesting to your son that he may enjoy the drinks but he also needs to be aware of and manage the consequences that accompany drinking, such as alcohol poisoning, detention, a criminal record, posted pictures of him drunk all over social media thus ruining his chances of future job opportunities, etc. (no one wants to hire the beer chugging, drunk guy in a toga – just saying). This can be a sobering thought to many a teenager and perhaps even to those liberal libation-supplying parents as it showcases the implications of underage drinking that they often have not thought about. Talking about consequences of drinking can often go further than just telling kids (or their parents) that kids shouldn’t drink.

So…”Grad Parties”…well, you always could always offer to throw one for him and go “retro.” Suggest hosting a party at the go-kart track and give away great loot bags that don’t include alcohol. I’m not sure that your son would agree to it, but if he did I bet he would have more fun!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.