Dear EFAP

Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!
So I met this great guy, he’s outdoorsy and cool – think Florida Georgia Line meets Luke Bryan – hotter than beach sand on your feet on a hot summer day. But here’s the thing: he loves to camp, canoe, swim, and look at the northern lights while drinking a few “brewskees” from the tailgate of his F150. I, on the on other hand, am a girly girl. I prefer drinking cosmos rather than admiring them, I cannot live without cell coverage and where he likes to go the only coverage one gets is from the canopy of a large spruce. I just hate camping and can’t stand sleeping in a tent. With every bug bite I get, I swell up with pink craters leaving my face and body resembling the surface of the moon rather than anything anyone would want to kiss. At campfires the smoke seems to blow into my hair and I do wonder some evenings if I might just ignite, given the product I use in my hair.

Anyways, he’s a real sweetie but I just don’t know how I am going to convince him that the outdoors is overrated and he needs to hang with me and drink cosmos on patios, go to galleries a la Kerry Bradshaw in Sex in the City, and look at the nature from a view point rather than attempt to be in it, in any way. Any ideas on how to structure this little chat?
– Cursing the Camping

Dear Cursing the Camping,
Oh honey, this is no little chat – this is asking the would-be-blended-hunk of country music to change his DNA. Going from drinking a cold one while gazing at stars in the serenity of the north, to sipping cosmos in the buzz of an overcrowded patio just ‘aint the same thing. One is goose down sleeping bags on terra firma and the other goose down pillows on full thread count sheets at the Fairmont. Nope, not the same thing, not even close.

So, do you really think that this guy is for you? I’m not sure, but you asking him to give up camping for glamping just might cause him to head for those hills on his own, full speed ahead. And then again, would that be such a terrible thing? I might invite you to really ask yourself, are you going to be happy with someone who loves to do all things that make you either freak out or break out? I am thinkin’ no. There are a lot of other hot guys in this world who I bet would love your New York Style. So, my friend, what do I recommend you do? Rethink this one, and if you would indulge me in a outdoorsy metaphor – and it seems kind of appropriate – this one may be a “catch and release” opportunity.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.