Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to Dear EFAP. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!
My goal is to lose weight and I have no clue where to start. I’m bigger than I recently was after having lost a whack of weight and I want to be smaller again by Christmas. When I had my second piece of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving dinner I realized something was again awry and I recommitted myself to losing some weight. This morning I wasn’t able to button up my pants so I hopped on the scale only to see a 5 pound gain from just that meal! Needless to say, the deal is sealed; I’m all in. Unfortunately I’ve walked down this path a few times before and may be considered a bit of a yo-yo dieter, but this time is different – I can feel it. I know there are places that I could reach out to for help but I don’t have much money, so I was hoping that you could help out.
– Trying to say “No” to the Yo-yo

Dear Trying to Say “No” to the Yo-yo,
Yes, practicing restraint during holiday meals is most definitely a challenge, good for you to take it on and onward to a healthier you. Interestingly, I find that weight loss is less about the weight and more about how one manages gratification, deserving and self-soothing. You mention that you have been a bit of a yo-yo dieter – this is hard on your system so let’s see if we can help you shift this. If you start a drastic diet you’ll lose weight but you’ll also slow down your metabolism as your body will think that you’re starving. I know, not fair, but that’s what happens, and what’s worse is when you begin to eat regularly you’ll gain that weight back quickly. So, this isn’t the best route to go but interestingly it’s the one that most dieters go for.

I find the link to gratification here an interesting one. Someone whose behaviour resembles this trend needs the gratification of food, but also needs the gratification of weight loss, sometimes in extremes. Neither of these behaviours are very healthy and in the long run neither work very well, so if this sounds like you it may be time for a recalibration. I know you don’t want to hear that “slow and steady wins the race,” but my friend, here I would argue that it may just be the case.

Consider what comes up for you when you reach for food that you know is going to put that shredded poundage back on. What’s the trigger that says that it’s okay to eat said food and sabotage all the hard work it took to get that weight off? Get to know this “saboteur,” it most certainly is greedy for gratification. It’s time to look into what this is really made up of and find a way to stand up to it. Consider: does food help you to self soothe? Does it help provide something that you feel that you deserve? Is it a substitute for something else that you want? Journaling about these kinds of things or speaking about them to a confidential counsellor might also be something to consider.

If you think about how the brain works it might also help put things into perspective: as you’ve historically gained back the weight that you’ve lost, you’ve established this pattern in your brain and your brain will follow this pattern unless you change it. This pattern has essentially become a habit, and as any other habit it’s lodged down deep in the mammalian part of the brain, and the deeper rooted the behaviour the more difficult it is to change the dang thing. It takes a lot of thinking and a lot of repetition to essentially form a new and healthier habit. Losing weight, my friend, is not as much about cutting calories as it is about changing behaviour, and change is really hard – but doable! The good news is EFAP (604-872-4929) can help, we have some terrific resources to refer you to and can get you set up with a wellness coach who can help you tackle this beast. I do indeed believe that you are all in; now let’s get you some support that will assist you to stay in until the weight goes.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.