Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

I have a co-worker who rolls her eyes at people when she disagrees with them, talks over them a bit, and she can be abrupt when she deals with them. I know Pink Shirt Day is coming up and I was wondering if this is bullying, and if so, what should I do about it?

• But is this Bullying?

Dear But is this Bullying?

Simply stated – no, this isn’t bullying. Bullying is a targeted action against a specific person, and this person seems to display this behaviour to “people” and not to a specific person. What this does sound like, though, is workplace incivility. If you’re not sure how best to tackle it you may wish to give the No-Bully Line a call and the Associates there can assist you with how to manage workplace incivility.

Alternatively, if it’s possible to speak to the person directly and let them know how their behaviour is affecting people, she may be able to hear that. Consider beginning with “Are you open to some feedback?” and after receiving an affirmative answer, try “I’m aware that you’ve been under a lot of stress, but lately you’ve been short with people, rolling your eyes at new suggestions, and you seem to have been irritated and abrupt in the way that you’ve answered people lately.” If they can own it then you can suggest that they may want to stop the behaviour and apologize, as it’s not doing their reputation any favours. If, though, they turn around and verbally get their grump on at you, best to call the No-Bully Line for support and they can guide you in a wise direction.

Thanks for writing in on this one. With the stresses of today’s world upon us all this happens quite a bit and it’s indeed helpful to address what is and isn’t bullying, and even though this isn’t bullying it is something that shouldn’t happen in a workplace.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.