Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

I haven’t had great luck dating – think of that old Janice Ian song from the 70s: “I learned the truth at 17 that love was just for beauty queens and high school girls with clear skinned smiles who’d marry young and then retire!” Well, I’m no longer 17 and most of the guys that I’m keen on either sound like the last verse of a country song or they’re “bad boys” up to “no good” from the “other side of the track.” Neither are marriage material, trust me – I married the latter profile and, well, let’s just politely say he “wandered off.” So, here’s the thing, I’ve met a new guy through a dating site and he seems really nice. My issue is that I’m not really attracted to him and I’m wondering if I should keep dating him or move on to someone else who really lights my fire. What do you think?

• Bad Choice Betty

Dear Bad Choice Betty,

Your dating choices for men who have lit your fire have ended up with you getting burned so, honey, I’m not sure that we want to go that route this time. It may sound counterintuitive, but I’m inclined to say stick it out with Mr. Nice Guy. Perhaps technology will be a better chooser for you than your historical not-so-fab system. This may mean that you have to really suspend some judgment and get to know this guy and what makes him tick before you write him off for not getting your ticker to race. I checked, and eHarmony agrees with me. They suggest that if your picks haven’t been successful in the past then the criteria that you’re using to pick may be a bit faulty. They also suggest that if you really do find a nice guy you should indeed hang around and get to know them. Sometimes we fall in love once we get to know someone – think beauty and the beast. You may just find that a nice person is the trick to finding longer lasting happiness. Ultimately, it’s of course up to you, but I’m thinking that Mr. Nice guy is worth a big try. Good luck and keep me posted!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.