Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter-hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

I met this really nice guy, and we’ve been seeing each other for a little bit now. Last week he said that he would call me on Sunday and we would make plans for the following week. He didn’t call. On Tuesday I texted him and asked “What’s up?” He texted me back apologizing profusely, saying that because he’d been away he was swamped with trying to catch up at work. He promised he would phone later the next week, which is this week and I haven’t yet received a call. What do you think I should say to him?

• Let Down by the Lack of a Call

Dear Let Down by the Lack of a Call,

Honestly, when these kind of guys say that they’re going to do something and then don’t do it they’re sending you a pretty clear message – they don’t want you to depend on them. Do you really want to be with someone that you can’t count on? I don’t think so. It sucks when guys break promises, and it sucks even more if you become the doormat that tolerates the string of broken promises. If you keep letting it go on – forgiving him and then getting let down time after time – it will only continue and likely worsen. He’s showing you that you can’t count on him, so my two cents? Don’t. And when he eventually calls, what do I suggest that you say to him? I’m thinking “Bye Bye” works.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.