Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us your questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

I’m getting married in the late fall and have been searching madly for my dress and it’s been causing me such stress. Tulle, lace, mermaid, ball gown, strapless, cupped sleeve, there are so many to choose from, I can’t make up my mind! This past weekend I went out to look for my perfect gown, but this time I took my bridal party too. After a boozy brunch where we all may have had a few too many mimosas we finally rolled into the store, late. The somewhat irked sales lady met us and began pulling dresses for me. While she was getting dresses in the back, my bridesmaids began pulling their own choices. It was a bit nuts – think a Kleinfeld bridal party gone rogue.

So the sales gal, not pleased with what my maids had chosen, brought in a few gowns of her choice and I began trying them on. Finally, I put one on that I kinda liked and marched out to show the posse. They all oooohed and awed over it and insisted it was the dress for me. Clearly wanting us out of the store, the sales girl wanted me to say yes to any dress and my gal pals loved that dress and were pushing for me to say yes to it, but I just couldn’t. So, I tried several hundred more (at least, that’s what it felt like), but they kept saying that I had already tried on “the one.” Finally, they convinced me that I looked amazing in the one that they all loved, so I caved and bought it. The instant that I got it home and put it on I burst into tears. Simply put – I just did not, and do not, love it. It doesn’t make my heart sing, I think that the dress I wear on my big day should make my heart sing, no? I put down a 50% non-refundable deposit which does play into what I do, but it doesn’t seal the deal. Honestly, I just don’t think I can walk down the aisle in it. I know my troops may be disappointed if I take it back, but isn’t it up to me in the end? My fiancé says to do whatever I want on this decision, he just wants me happy. So here I am; I’m a mess as I just can’t say yes to this dress. What should I do?

• A Mess over the Dress

Dear A Mess Over the Dress,

Return it.

*   *   *

The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.