Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

I haven’t had the greatest success in the dating world. If you ever saw the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” just swap in my face in for Jennifer Aniston’s – know what I’m saying? Anyways, I recently met a guy at a party and he seemed to fall head over heels for me from the get go. He’s very sweet and seems very earnest, so we started dating. Unfortunately, he’s like Velcro-Man. I asked him to slow down a bit, but he seems to want to kiss me all the time and doesn’t ever let me do my own thing. He’s told me that he’s never experienced the feelings that he has for me ever before. The attention is nice, but it’s a bit much – what do you think I should do? It’s beginning to make me a bit anxious.

• Anxious From All the Attention

Dear Anxious From All the Attention,

Well, it’s nice that you’ve finally found someone who realizes how great you are. I’m not sure that the “I’m so clingy because I’ve fallen so hard for you” is 100% the real story. I sense a bit of insecurity there, but I think you can still give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps try letting him know that you need to be able to breathe, that he needs to chill a little, and that his clingyness is kinda freakin’ you out. If he self-corrects with a bit of self-respect and self-control, then you’re on your way. If, though, he goes all bunny boiler on you (did you ever see the movie Fatal Attraction?) then it’s time to say sayonara.

He does seem very sweet, so I think it’s worth a try to have the conversation and see if he can dial it down a bit. Take the energy that’s currently going into anxiety and re-deploy it into having that conversation that could bring about some really nice change. If, however, he isn’t able to change his behaviour then cut your losses, change the locks, move on, and call us for some support through it all (www.efap.ca). The romantic in me wants it to work for you, so good luck!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.