Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

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We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

The holidays are just around the corner and I’m stressing big time. I’ve just met this great guy and it’s already big-time serious. I love Christmas; I love sitting by the fire drinking eggnog and listening to Michael Buble singing “You Better Watch Out” or the “Little Drummer Boy.” I love the turkey and the trimmings, and I love finding the perfect gift for all of those special folks who I love. Unfortunately, my new guy doesn’t like any of these things. He’s a bit of a Scrooge, truth be told, but on a good note he’s also very socially conscious. He doesn’t like this festive time as he really doesn’t believe in supporting the retail mania that happens this time of year.  We have plans to spend the Christmas holidays together, although he refers to them as merely “vacation.” What am I going to do?

• Terrified I’ll Have No Traditions this Christmas

Dear Terrified I’ll Have No Traditions this Christmas,

Well, I’m a bit of a Christmas crazy person myself, so I get what you are saying. I love decorating the house and the gifts and the food and the whole deal. So, having a partner that is a little more Grinch than Santa might be a bit of a deal breaker for you, my friend, but as it’s your first Christmas together why not give it a go and see what happens?

I think that you need to begin with a conversation, and this isn’t something to avoid and hope that he’ll wake up a Scrooge transformed on Christmas morning. You might want to let him know how important the holidays are to you, and that you recognize that they are not important to him, and so the two of you need to find some middle ground. What can you do together? Or, on your own? Whose family will you do what with? And what will you do just the two of you as a couple? How will you navigate gifts to others and for the two of you from each other? All of this is best discussed ahead of time.  He’s socially conscious, so perhaps the two of you could volunteer at a local food bank!

The cool thing is that the two of you can start to build traditions that reflect who you both are, and this can be a lovely way to get to know each other. So, my friend, you may well have to give up your traditions this Christmas, but the trade-off is that you can build new ones together.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.