Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us your questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

I’m a newly separated Dad of two pre-teen boys, and this is my first Christmas going solo.  My sons are both 12 years old (twins), and they want these special headphones for Christmas.  So, upon learning this, I trotted off to the nearest big box tech store. I was helped by a young man who, when I mentioned what I wanted, abruptly informed me that this item had been sold out since early November.  What should I do?

• Desperate Dad

Dear Desperate Dad,

First of all, breathe and calm down – it will be fine. You aren’t the first parent to want to explore the black market in attempting to locate the wanted “it” gift for your children. There are a couple of ways to go here, but the best news is that your children are likely out of  the “I believe in Santa Claus” phase so that makes it a bit easier to manage. Trying to tell little Billy and Johnny that Santa ran out of their wanted gift just does not cut it; dealing with teens is much easier

So, what to do? Consider just telling them the truth – that you just didn’t know that hot items had to be purchased months ahead, they will understand!  Or, consider printing out a picture of the headphones and put it in card along with a loaded gift card to the store for the same amount as the headphones are selling for now.  You can even wrap this card in a huge box to throw them off.   This way, they still get to open their “big” gift. The other benefit of this is that they can take advantage of any Boxing Day sales and end up with even more stuff, so it really can be a win-win. If you decide to go this route make sure that they have at least one or two tangible, real gifts under the tree for good measure.

Good on you, Dad, for reaching out for assistance when you hit a snag – it sounds like these boys are very lucky to have you. Onward to a very Merry Christmas!

*    *    *

The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.