Dear EFAP: Feeling bullied for having boundaries
Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.
We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.
Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!
~ Feeling Bullied for Having Boundaries
Dear Feeling Bullied for Having Boundaries,
Taking care of patients and yourself shouldn’t have to be mutually exclusive. You’re describing two situations: one, that you feel bullied and two, that you’re in what we call a “double bind.” With regards to feeling bullied, if you’re feeling that way it’s important to bring that forward, ideally to your leadership. You don’t have to deal with this on your own – more on this in minute.
With regards to being in a bit of a double bind, saying no to more work feels wrong because you want to help patients and be there for your coworkers, and saying yes to more work feels wrong because you know it will make you sick. Essentially, either way you end up feeling like you’re doing the wrong thing. Double binds are crazy making. The first step is to acknowledge that you’re in one, and the second step is to reach out for some help – and here you have options. Reaching out to your leadership and explaining the bind that you’re in can really help, and they can also help you tackle the situation with your coworkers.
Regarding feeling bullied, VCH has a number of resources to help you. EFAP can provide you with counselling support and, if you’re interested, they can also help you learn how to assert yourself with your coworkers to be able to have a conversation with them about what you’re feeling. VCH also has a very substantial group of Respectful Workplace HR advisors who you can consult with on this matter. Also, if you’re unionized I’d suggest consulting with your Steward about this matter as well. If you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, and just not quite ready to take any of these steps, VCH has another alternative: the confidential No Bully Line (1-844-NO-BULLY). You can call them as many times as you need, and you don’t even have to give them your name. They can safely debrief your experience and relay your options. They’re a great first step to provide you with the information and support that you need as you navigate this situation. Just know, you’re not alone.
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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.