Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter-hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support, please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

Dear EFAP,

I’m afraid to fall in love because I’m terrified of trust, help!

-Troubled by Trust

Dear Troubled by Trust,

Falling in love can be scary business, but it also can be magical, and trust is such an important part of a relationship. Some folks will ask you if the person in question is worthy of your trust and, if so, go slow and give it out in small doses. Others might ask if they’ve ever breached your trust – the thought here is that if the person has, then you should take a pass on a sticking with them and move on to more honest pastures.  These definitely have merit, but I would take a different view.

I don’t think it’s about trusting the other person as much as it is about trusting ourselves. Trust that you have this in your pocket, and that no matter what happens, agony or ecstasy, you have the strength to get through it. When you trust yourself to be able to deal with whatever might come at you, you can let go and let yourself fall in love. And trust me, love can be amazing. True, it can be risky but it’s worth the risk – but what great thing in life doesn’t have a bit of risk associated with it? So, my friend, trust yourself and fall in love and know that you have the strength to get through it, no matter what the outcome, and remember, we are here for support along the way.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.