Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

Dear efap,

I work in a place where gossiping is rampant. I tolerated it and truth be told occasionally even participated in it, until recently when I  learned I have fallen victim to it. My coworkers are gossiping about me and it really is hurting my feelings. I don’t know what to do about it. Help!

Signed,

Gossip girl

Dear Gossip girl

Ouch. Yes for what we have been a part of in the past in some way,  to then swing back around  and hurt us, is never pleasant. It is often life changing though. I am thinking next time you think about participating in gossiping you will re-think that urge as you now know how it feels. And it does not feel nice at all. So good on you for that. Gossiping ends when people stop gossiping. Simple but true J

Ideally gossip is best nipped in the bud. There is an expression “nothing about me without me”. I think it a pretty good doctrine to follow when you are looking at curbing your future gossiping behaviour and attempting to stop the current hurtful chatter about you. A transparent discussion with the person who is spewing the gossip is always a good place to start. Letting them know honestly what you heard, that it hurt you and could they please stop is polite respectful and to the point.

Alternatively you could ask one of your co-worker friends to assist here and deputize them. They would approach the gossiper and let them know that it is not appreciated and to please stop. They can also add and say to the gossiper, that whatever the gossip is , that that is not their experience of you.  A conversation with your supervisor could also help you out here as sometimes a leader can help reduce this kind of behaviour.

Another option is to give VCH’s (1- 844-NOBULLY) NO BULLY line a call. They can help you weigh out your options and could coach you on how to have that conversation. They are completely confidential and will debrief the whole situation with you and if you like, help you devise the best response plan for you. One thing for sure is don’t just sit with it and feel hurt and miserable.  VCH has people to help you with this. Know that you are not alone and let’s look at how you can appropriately shut this gossiper down. Onward!