Dear EFAP: Gift or no gift
Thank you to those who have written to “Dear EFAP” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.
We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.
Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!
Dear EFAP
I am in my twenties and I just started dating this great girl. She is awesome. I don’t know if I should give her anything for Christmas. We both celebrate it. What do you think?
- Gift or no gift?
Dear Gift or no gift,
The only thing worse about giving a girl a gift at this stage in dating is not giving her one. I know this sounds oxymoronic, but it is not. A gift at this stage is a must as it shows that you care but needs to show sweetness and thought and not expense.
How about starting with a cute card that has a fun sentiment or reflects a kind of personal joke or “thing” between the two of you? Something that will bring a smile to her face? She will be touched that you got her a card that reflects that unique thing. In the card, don’t just sign your name: write a few sentences that are meaningful.
Gifts need to follow the same logic. If she loves dance, perhaps get some tickets to a local but inexpensive dance show. If she loves sports and you do too, maybe get tickets to a sporting event. I do realize that these are not cheap but perhaps you were planning to go anyway. If she loves music, make her a Spotify list of some her favourite songs. And if she is a person who loves the earth and the ocean, a really great gift can be a date to the Aquarium. If a book has been what brought you together or a character, then find something that reflects that character or a cool book by that same author.
The key is that it shows that you have thought about something that she likes or something that is special just between the two of you and you want to give that to her. One of my favourite examples of this is in the holiday film White Christmas. In the film, the Rosemary Clooney character mentions many times to her guy, Bing Crosby, how a guy has pressure to be a “knight in shining armour” to a girl. In the story, the knight, Bing, theoretically falls off his horse. In the end, as they begin dating, Rosemary gives him a Christmas present that is a small statue of a knight in shining armour. Very cute and appropriate.
Good luck with looking for your gift, and Merry Christmas.
* * *
The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.