Dear EFAP: allowing an allowance?

Thank you to those who have written to “Dear EFAP” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter-hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call Employee Wellness/EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

Dear EFAP

My kid is just turning 11 and has begun to ask me to buy her more expensive things. She wants brand name clothes and various other things all of which cost money. She also does nothing around the house to help out. I’m terrible with money and find that I often give in, get her what she wants and then also clean up after her. I’m afraid she’s becoming spoiled – that is not good and I know that. I’m thinking maybe if she could help out with chores, then I could pay her and give her an allowance to buy things. Honestly, I’m not sure what to do. Any ideas?

– Allowing an allowance?

Dear Allowing an allowance?

Well, I’m of a mind that chores and allowance need to be two separate things. When we tie chores to allowance, we put the focus on work, not money. I believe that kids should do chores for the same reason that we do them – because they need to be done. I’m not a fan of tying them to compensation, but more a fan of tying them to the fact that households need everyone to do their share to contribute. She might need to realize that you do a lot around the house and that she needs to take on some responsibility by doing her part now that she is a bit older.

I see allowance as important, but not as a wage. I believe that it can be a great teaching tool. You can use it to teach her about money – how to save it, spend it and make decisions about it. You can even teach her about tax with it. Seldom, do we do this with kids and they need to be taught about it so that they can understand it and make good financial decisions in the future.

I think allowance is a great vehicle to teach her about money and its value. Giving her chores would be a great vehicle to teach her about the value of contributing to the family. Both are important, but separate.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact Employee Wellness/EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.