Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!
I am crushing on my best friend’s man, should I go for it?
– Crushing on a my BFF’s Guy

Dear Crushing on my BFF’s Guy,
Really? Do you even need to ask me this question? Ask yourself – if I had a guy who I loved and my best friend took him, how would I feel? If you do not answer “I would feel rotten,” then there are clearly some other things going on and I encourage you to see a therapist about them (www.efap.ca). This is not so much about the “guy,” but about your loyalty towards your friend. There are some things that one just does not do, and this would be one of them. I know that some people have affairs with their best friend’s spouse or partner or hubby or wife, but this is off limits in my books. Aside from really hurting your friend, your potential new relationship would be built on distrust, and that never ends well. So, you ask, should you go for it? Well, sister, you will do what you will do, but in my humble opinion, the answer is No.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you do find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.