Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

Send us questions

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

What would be an effective way to approach a staff member that I work with that is unable to process information or handle situations/conversations without over reacting, portrays an offensive manner and relays personal information of negative interactions with staff in a gossiping, malicious manner?  Anytime that there is a difference of opinion she takes an offensive stance and there is no ability to converse in a professional manner. Each time that she has an altercation with staff she runs to the team leader and I feel as if I am in a kindergarten environment. Some days she is happy and we can have a “normal” conversation but that is a hit and miss occasion.

Please help as this makes the work environment uncomfortable and has often taken place in front of other staff and clients. This is not acceptable and the manager is aware of her behaviour.  She behaves this way with other staff also and it needs to stop.

• Requesting Help with an Approach

Dear Requesting Help with an Approach,

It sounds like this is very stressful and I’m glad that you decided to reach out. As I see it, there are a few things for you to think about in the approach that you take. First, you do not have to manage this alone – if you have not quite yet decided what to do consider calling EFAP at 1-800-505-4929 for an opportunity to explore the situation and/or for some specialized coaching in dealing with the matter. You could also consider calling the No-Bully Line at 1-844-NO-BULLY to confidentially debrief the situation and receive support.

I might further suggest that you consider asking for a discussion with the team leader and let them know how things are playing out for you when the person runs to them. They may not be actively aware of the apparent triangle and could perhaps strategize with you a more effective way of jointly dealing with the situation. HR also offers mediated conversations and that may also be a route to consider. And finally, as the manager is aware of this behaviour, you may want to request a discussion with that manager to let them know what’s going on for you in it all. VCH has a Respectful Workplace Policy that’s committed to supporting employees, so if you decide to go this way your manager could choose to get HR involved. If you’re reticent about your next step, perhaps calling the No-Bully Line could provide you with the first safe step in developing an approach to this situation that’s best for you.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.