Thank you to those who have written to “Dear EFAP” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

Dear EFAP

So I was with this really nice guy – I thought. We had been dating for about a year.  We got along great, great sex, great fun, we  had met each other parents, spent holidays together and everything was amazing. And then we began fighting. We were fighting because he just did not like the fact that I am really social and that , at times, I sometimes wanted to go out with people instead of just him or instead of staying at home. I never cheated on him but he was so dang sensitive and possessive. I just needed to be on my own doing my own thing occasionally. I tried to talk to him about it thinking that for sure we could work it out and find some middle ground. But he said no, that then- poof we was gone. Just like in some bad fairy tale.  He said he just could not handle conflict and he checked out. It has left me reeling. I am now second guessing myself. What do you think?

Signed

And poof he was gone

Dear And poof he was gone

To quote celebrated author and journalist Sabrina Alexis:

“If a guy leaves when things get a little rocky, it means he is lacking in the most important quality you need in a partner, and that is a man who is committed not only to you, but to making it work.”

A couple has to be able to work through things and after 12 months, it is long enough to think  that he would be willing to do that  with you. So this guy might have been be good when times were good but when times got a bit tougher and he left, that  is not a good sign. You don’t want a guy who bails for the long haul my friend. You want someone who will sit and figure it out with you or get some help with you, to figure it out.  And know this… in every relationship there is conflict and the ones that work are the ones where a couple will figure out a way through it together. So my hunch is although it is painful , he likely did you are favour in going poof, because now, like in a good fairy tale,  you can move on to a much happier ending with someone else.