Dear EFAP: holiday etiquette

Thank you to those who have written to “Dear EFAP” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

Dear EFAP

I’m only a recent employee to VCH and resident to Canada. I have yet to learn all the Christmas and holiday customs. I have been invited to a few holiday parties over the next few weeks. What is customary to bring to the host/hostess? Help! 🙂

  • Inquiring about the Etiquette

Dear Inquiring about the Etiquette

How thoughtful of you to be asking about what to bring to holiday party host and hostesses. You are certainly not the only one who is not sure of what kind of gift is appropriate. I’ll do my best to make a few suggestions.

When you RSVP to a party it is always nice to ask the hosting person if you can bring anything. Often, they will say if they want you to bring something specific. It is often customary at more casual parties for hostesses to have people contribute. They might suggest that you bring wine or a salad or an appetizer.

For fancier soirees or just because they want to do it all themselves, the host might say to just bring yourself. When they say this, it usually means that you do not need to bring food or drink. But it is still nice to bring something that is more of a thank you gift than something that will contribute to the meal. This is especially true if you are the guest of honour. A bouquet of flowers is always nice and especially so if it is a celebration. But if you decide on this, please bring them prepared and in a vase so that the hostess does not have to stop and find a vase and arrange them.

Gourmet chocolates or a jar of specialty nuts can also be nice if there are no food sensitivities. Scented candles can also be nice wrapped in cellophane and tissue. And for many, who drink wine, wine as a gift in a nice bag is appreciated. But if you do not know if someone drinks alcohol it is best to stay away from wine and stick with one of the other choices. Something that is small, easy and says thank you is key.

One of my favourite items to bring to parties over the holidays is a poinsettia. This is a lovely holiday plant. I always bring a white one as it is a bit different from the customary red. It is not expensive, tasteful and is always well received. Welcome to Canada and to VCH! Good luck and enjoy your first Canadian holiday parties!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.