Dear EFAP (130th Edition): secret crush

Thank you to those who have written to “Dear EFAP” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses.  Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense.  If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call Employee Wellness/EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information.  Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

Dear EFAP

I have a huge crush on someone at work. I don’t want to give it away, but we both wear uniforms. I carry a huge torch for this person, but I feel they are probably inaccessible as far as a relationship with me goes and so I just admire from afar. Is that a bad thing?

-The Torch Carrier

Dear Torch Carrier

You know, unrequited love is a very understudied topic in psychology. According to Psychology Today, too often, you can get burned by the very torch you are secretly carrying. But interestingly, there is an upside to loving from a far. It provides a kind of safe excitement and fantasy that can bring you joy.

The research wisdom on this topic is scant, but what there is on the subject suggests that if you do hold onto the hope of a relationship rather than taking steps to check out whether it’s possible, it’s best done so at arm’s  length.

The one you are describing sounds a bit closer to home, so you may want to give us or a trusted confidante a call and we could perhaps provide you some support. I just would not want to see you get crushed by your crush and so reaching out might help you navigate your next step. Take care!

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a VCH staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact Employee Wellness/EFAP toll free at 1 (800)505-4929 or (604) 872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.